


Remembering Youth

by fractalsin



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), AkaKuro Week 2019, Alternate Universe, M/M, Mutual Pining, are you rich yet, for every time Akashi calls Kuroko by his given name we get richer, originally a one-shot, the pining is strong in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-01-13 03:36:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18460649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fractalsin/pseuds/fractalsin
Summary: Akashi Seijuurou revisits his childhood vacation house after receiving a strange children’s book in his publishing company that alludes to memories left untouched for the longest time.[AkaKuro Week 2019]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a weird one. It's also longer than it should be. :"D  
> P.S. chapter 2 is 4/5's done, I'm just rlly lazy is all, though this has been in the works since March so that has to count for something haha

**_Now_ **

The white Audi parked in the clearing, wheels soundlessly sliding against the dirt. The driver stepped out of the car, revealing a man in his mid-twenties wearing a pair of sunglasses, a bag slung over his shoulder. In his hands was a wooden corkboard that served as a commemorative frame.

The man’s work was a seven day shift, but he had managed to vacate some of his time because of Golden Week adjustments. He didn’t come on official business – he came for much more selfish reasons than that, much more personal.

And so, he began to walk.   

* * *

 

_In some distant part of your childhood, perhaps you chanced upon a field of clovers from time to time._

_A rarer variety were the four-leaf clovers, and you would spend countless hours till the sun dipped into the horizon just to find one, giving up only after hearing your mother or father told you to return inside because it was never good for a child to wander past sundown._

_They would comfort you, would card fingers through your hair and tell you, “You’ll find one someday, love.”_

_But you did find one, one day, when you wandered a considerable distance from the gates of your palace by the sea. It was dancing in the wind with the other clovers, a lone four-leaf clover that you sighted from a few feet away._

_Just as you were about to bend down to inspect it closely, it changed form. You didn’t really understand, because in its place was a child, just like you._

* * *

 

**_Before_ **

 “Mori-san.”

“Yes, Akashi-san?” Mori approached the desk that Akashi was sitting behind. “Is something the matter?”

Akashi himself was browsing a few new manuscripts for potential publishing. Pressed between his fingers, he raised the concerning item found within the pile, holding it out to Mori for inspection.

“I gather that this is in the wrong section.”

Mori took it into his hands. It was a picture book for children, illustrated vibrantly such that it looked traditionally drawn by hand. The title was spelled out in white, curled hiragana instead of katakana or kanji.

“ _’The Clover Children’_ ,” Mori read aloud, holding onto the side of the book before he started skimming through the pages, leaf after leaf. “That’s strange,” He muttered, gently closing the paperbound book. “Who would commit such an error?”

“Please do check with the Children’s department.” Akashi tapped his finger on the desk audibly, “Leave the book with me.”

“Understood.” No questions asked, Mori nodded and left the children’s book atop Akashi’s desk. He was out the door soon enough, leaving Akashi alone with the book for his own viewing purposes. He browsed the cover, which, while aesthetically pleasing, did not contain any author’s name.

He checked the front page and the copyright page, only to find nothing again. Anonymously written stories were not unusual, but they were rare. He could count with his fingers the sheer amount of authors who chose to stay in the shadows in his career as a book publisher. Some would at least use a nom de plume, but this author didn’t.

Curiosity piqued, he proceeded to the dedication.

 

**_For a dear friend,_ **

**_And the stories born from his name_ **

* * *

 

_As far as memory allowed him, the boy could only say that he always found himself alone._

_He didn’t have any friends, and was almost always bedridden. His foster parents had lost a son – their real son - not to sickness, but to fate._

_His father and mother were too afraid to lose another one of their children, so they took great cares in making him live comfortably. During the summers, they would stay at the vacation house, which the little boy would call ‘the palace by the sea’, like in one of the books of poetry he read in his spare time. It was at a high place, with the sea overlooking it. They would stay there for weeks upon end before returning to the bustling landscape of Tokyo._

_It was here that he met his first friend, in the shade of the trees that lay to the north of the shoreline. Walking a bit farther from the vacation house, there would be an opening with a field of clovers, where the boy spent countless hours keeping his new friend company._

_How does one go about describing his first friend?_

_His first friend was a tad bit shorter than he was at that age, and in the years to come, that part of them would stay the same. He never seemed to raise his voice, and called himself a clover child. He always wore the same loose garment that resembled a hospital gown, the garment of cherub angels, and, as if to prove such a fact, was always barefoot, unhindered by the grass at his feet._

_He also never seemed to leave the field of clovers, which was just as well, because then, the boy always knew where to find his friend._

_“Have you ever tried leaving this place?”_

_His name was Tetsuya, and hearing this question, Tetsuya shook his head. He had a small wreath of leaves atop it, a semblance of a flower crown but not quite._

_“You always seem to find yourself here, Sei.” He had an unreadable look on his face, his voice just as melodic as it always was. “Do you have nowhere else to go?”_

_“I suppose you’re right.” It wasn’t as if Sei could ever go too far – he always promised to be back by sundown. It was a miracle that he was healthy enough to go out, healthy enough for his parents to allow him, but his condition had been far better in the past few days since he met Tetsuya. It did not seem like a coincidence to him, then, and he appreciated that. “Is it because you cannot leave this place?”_

_“That’s not it.”_

_“Then what is it?”_

_Tetsuya smiled, his lips quirking up in the way that people did with their well-kept secrets. “You always come to find me here.” There was affection laced in his words, as Sei would come to realize later._

_Sei could admit that this answer surprised him. Tetsuya made it sound so simple, like it made sense. “But before that?” Sei pressed, because this answer from Tetsuya only made him more curious._

_Tetsuya tilted his head, a genuine look of confusion in his face. “There was no before, Sei.” He said, “You have to understand that there was only after you.”_

_“Then, would you like to go somewhere with me?”_

_When Tetsuya took the hand that was offered to him, it was warm. There were many warm things – the summer sun, the sea breeze at night, but to Sei, it was Tetsuya’s smile that won him over and warmed his heart._

_“I would like to, very much so.”_

_They began their journey with small steps, hands joined together till they reached the open shore._

* * *

 

Mori re-entered the office a few minutes later. “Yes, Akashi-san, it most certainly shouldn’t have reached your desk. But, there seems to be another problem.”

“A problem?”

“Yes... The children’s department fail to identify the book in its catalogue of titles up for release, nor in the list of works pending for review. They are willing to take it into consideration, however.”

Works that were brought to Akashi for review had to go through Mori, so if there was anyone who most probably knew where this book came from, it had to be Mori. However, he didn’t seem to, so Akashi was forced to check again.

“I have high doubts they sent this to us for the sake of publishing, especially with the great lengths the author is going to hide themselves. Are you sure you do not recall who left this, Mori-san?”

“I am positive, Akashi-san.” He was sincere enough, without doubt, albeit beating himself for his inadequacy. It wasn’t a major issue with Akashi, but it was a peculiar case that seemed worth looking into for the meantime. Mori seemed to voice out the concern without difficulty. “What intention would someone have to try and slip a children’s book into your office?”

Akashi smiled thinly. “That remains to be known.”

Akashi thanked Mori for his patience on the matter. He was becoming increasingly invested in the story, for reasons that were plain and simple.

The story was meant for him, and it may have been a children’s tale, but it felt real, down to the very last word he’d read.

* * *

 

_Sei found out that clover children were four-leaf clovers that were found by someone in their birthplace, and were humanoid in form. Tetsuya told him that stories about them were dwindling, but tradition always depicted them as lucky charms and signs of good fortune._

_“That does explain some things.”_

_Sei had taken Tetsuya to the shoreline because the sea was one of his favorite places to be. Tetsuya listened intently._

_“I live there.”_

_Sei pointed up towards the white house with the triangular roof. It was the only house in sight, making it easy to remember. Tetsuya followed where his finger pointed, as they sat on the sand with the sea water brushing their toes._

_“Who do you live with?”_

_“My parents call it the palace by the sea.” Sei told Tetsuya, “I call my parents ‘otou-san’ and ‘okaa-san’, but they’re not exactly my real parents either.”_

_“Sei is a prince, then.”_

_Sei laughed. “I’d love it if you could live with me there.”_

_“I’m afraid that’s rather farfetched, Sei.” Tetsuya said, the wind brushing his sky blue locks like the tides. “No one else can see me.”_

_“What will happen if they do?”_

_“They can’t,” Tetsuya repeated, “But there is a way.”_   

* * *

 

**_Now_ **

The palace by the sea still stood tall, with its marble tiles that shone brightly under the glaring light of the sun. Akashi’s parents barely found any use for it anymore because their bodies were always too weak to actually travel for such long hours. Akashi himself had left rather early for his destination, arriving three and a half hours later.

Instead of Akashi’s parents, it was the new tenant who maintained the vacation house. Had it not been for the book, Akashi would have forgotten all about it. He did remember his parents mentioning that the vacation house was no longer theirs, and Akashi had met the news with quiet acceptance. It simply meant that the house was no longer their responsibility.

In retrospect, he probably shouldn’t have come to satisfy this bout of nostalgia. He knew what he was looking for, though – consciously, this time.      

Entering the vacation house did not require keys. When Akashi turned the knob, he found that it was open.

Upon entry, Akashi already doubted about anyone actually living in it. It was too clean, and the first time Akashi had seen it in years. He could summon the image of his younger self being carried to the bed, of him peeking out the window to see starless skies. What he saw now was a house ridden of personal objects, empty cabinets and cupboards, kept in such a state for the sake of being suspended in a certain moment in time.

* * *

 

_“A way?”_

_Sei wanted to help his friend. If there was anything he knew, it was that Tetsuya was his first friend, and that before meeting each other, they were both waiting to be found._

_When Tetsuya saw Sei’s like-minded curiosity, he began to tell him of another story, of how some clover children are given the chance to become human after The Maturation. The Maturation was discerned by Mother Earth, who was the only one capable of telling apart clover children who were and weren’t ready._

_The trigger for The Maturation varied from clover child to clover child. The Rite of Maturation would then be conducted, and the clover child would be turned into a full-fledged human, with skin and bones and all that came with it._

_“It will take a long time. It may be weeks from now, months, years...” He trailed off._

_“I hope I’ll be here when that happens.” Sei said earnestly. “And what would you do, if you were human?”_

_“You’ll be the first to know, Sei.”_

_The days they spent felt like a small eternity in their own right, as Sei went over all sorts of stories of what it was like to become human. These stories were second hand, and by no means his, but he turned them into his own, into theirs, and as he spent more time with Tetsuya, Sei was bound to discover that he knew himself better now, and his own sense of what it was like to be human too._

* * *

 

**_Now_ **

The palace by the sea was no longer the only house there, as he would later discover. There was another one, presumably where the tenant lived. It was a charming wooden house with glass doors and foundation shrubs surrounding it, standing two floors tall.

Akashi pressed the doorbell and waited. After what seemed like several moments, Akashi had to conclude that the owner wasn’t around. He normally wouldn’t be so intrusive as to check up on someone else’s house, but his parents were well-acquainted with said person, and he’d certainly sent an e-mail in advance that he would come visit to discuss some things about the vacation house, and why it was such an interest to the tenant. Surely enough, the tenant had replied.

Slightly resigned, he walked towards the ledge, his eyes squinting slightly as he looked at the scenery below.

It was only a fleeting glance, but at the corner of his eye, he saw a silhouette of a person he didn’t expect to see. When he looked more carefully this time at the object of interest, he could scarcely believe his eyes.

Akashi Seijuurou ran.

* * *

 

_Bit by bit, the chains that bound Sei came loose. No longer did he need to worry about suddenly collapsing. No longer did he struggle with breathing. No longer did his bones become weak at the mercy of a moment._

_Doubtlessly, this was thanks to Tetsuya, who was content being Sei’s good luck charm. It seemed like they would go on forever that way. Sei no longer needed to be home-schooled, but he did come over during vacation, bringing all sorts of stories for Tetsuya to know._

_But then one day, Sei didn’t come back._

_He did exceedingly well in living the life that Tetsuya did not yet have, but perhaps, there would come a time that they would see each other again, and Tetsuya certainly believed in that._

_So he waited, and waited, and waited,_

_And waited._

“Did you know, Sei? The four lessons that a clover child must learn to become human.”

_And absence did make the heart grow fonder, because there was no one else quite like Sei that ever came into Tetsuya’s life, a life he would continue to live waiting for the day his first friend would come back with new stories to be told._

_Maybe then, he wouldn’t be a clover child at all. Maybe it would be a meeting by chance instead of planned. Maybe they would be changed individuals who couldn’t recognize each other anymore, because they’d changed a lot since then._

_But there was more to this story than it seemed, and Tetsuya hoped that he wasn’t alone in thinking that it deserved an ending._

* * *

 

**_Before_ **

“Mother, father.”

“What is it, Seijuurou?” It was his foster father who answered him first, turning away from the television. It buzzed softly against the quietness of the house. Akashi himself was just about done preparing the food for them and being off to leave for work, with the full intent of just buying a quick sandwich on the way. None of those burgers from fast food joints, though.

His mother emerged from the bedroom, a faint smile on her face. She was not feeling well the past few days, but from the looks of it, the color had returned to her cheeks. Akashi himself was taller than both his foster parents, so when his mother pecked him on the cheek, she’d always tiptoe slightly. This time was no exception.

“I was wondering about the vacation house we used to visit when I was a child. I figured it would be best to ask the both of you. What happened to it?”

Akashi Miyuki stared off into open space, thinking for a moment before answering in a heartbeat. “Well, we actually sold it a while back, you see. We’re kept updated about it quite regularly by the buyer. His name was...”

“Shirotani Akiho.” Akashi Saito supplied helpfully. “I have his contact information if you want it.”

“Yes, Shirotani Akiho. That’s the name.” Miyuki chimed in, “I would understand your sudden interest in it, Seijuurou, but what brought you to think about it again?”

“There is... something I forgot there.” _Someone,_ but it was wrong to say that he’d forgotten. Perhaps some part of him did, but it was knowledge that he had always subconsciously known. Perhaps deep down, he’d wished that that person was no longer waiting. “And I must retrieve it.”

“We emptied the house though, didn’t we?”

At this, Akashi gave a small smile. “It’s not material.”

After sending the initial e-mail, the reply had come less than a day later.     

* * *

 

**_Now_ **

“Tetsuya!”

The wind was whipping his hair in all sorts of directions, but it was very much the same, just a bit longer than when they last met. Round, blue eyes blinked at him, before lips quirked into a smile without notions of reserve. The person’s entire being visibly relaxed as he saw Akashi, who stopped on his tracks to take a breath and to take in the sight that lay in front of him.

And with the utterance of such a name, the dream came to life. Tetsuya replied in kind with a wisp of breath, his eyes softening, “Sei.” He whispered.

Akashi hadn’t been called that by anyone in a while but it felt like it was just yesterday, fresh in his ears. Tetsuya looked genuinely happy to see him, and though Akashi had found a large part of himself hoping, he didn’t think that Tetsuya would actually be here, with him, at this very moment.

Tetsuya was no longer barefoot like when they were children. Instead, he wore brown slippers, white slacks, and a periwinkle sweater that looked like it was two sizes bigger than him. Akashi wanted to reach out to him, but dismissing that impulse as hardly proper, he began to speak. Tetsuya was looking at him expectantly, longing in his eyes.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you.”

Tetsuya looked away, “I knew you would come someday, but I was unsure if it would ever be for me.”

Akashi’s eyes widened marginally. “I... came because of you, Tetsuya. You have to know that. It’s a long story, but,” He rummaged the shoulder bag for The Clover Children and took it out for Tetsuya to see. “This book, do you happen to know about it? It’s written by the tenant who I’m supposed to meet with.”

“Of course I know that book, Sei.” Tetsuya gave him a knowing look, “It was written by me.”

“You mean to say that-“

“Yes. I am Shirotani Akiho, the person you spoke with over mail.” Tetsuya seemed to regard the book fondly, but he hadn’t expected to see it. He’d given his only copy of the manuscript to his friend, Ogiwara, because the man had liked it so much, and now it was back in his hands, safe and sound under Akashi’s care. “I planned to keep our reunion a surprise. Ogiwara-kun, that man and his ideas...”

“Ogiwara?” Akashi repeated, recognizing the name from when he checked the company sign-in roster. Tetsuya seemed surprised that he’d said that out loud, too. “Is he an acquaintance of yours?”

Tetsuya nodded. “As a matter of fact, he’s the only person who has the surviving copy of the original manuscript. It’s the one in your hands right now.”

Akashi sighed in relief. “This is probably his doing, then.”

“I shouldn’t even be surprised. Ogiwara-kun is quite unpredictable like that, and so are you.”

Tetsuya turned to face him.

“You would like to catch up on some things. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”

There were ideas stretching in Akashi’s throat - intents, regrets, apologies - begging to be let out. Far more than catching up, he wanted to say, but he couldn’t form the words, and so he simply nodded in affirmation, letting Tetsuya lead him away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turning, Akashi wanted to see anger, but Tetsuya was hard to read as usual. “Perhaps we should start with why.” Tetsuya suggested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer than expected, but I wasn't sure how to end this story. I had a clear outline in mind, but Akashi and Kuroko moved on their own. Here's Chapter 2 of Remembering Youth!

“So yes, I am essentially a hermit who draws and writes in my spare time,” And Tetsuya was being a good sport about being one. Even as he searched Akashi for signs of judgement, he found none. He set down his cup of chamomile tea, letting the steaming hot liquid sear down his throat. “I’ve heard that Sei – no, perhaps it’s not proper to call you that anymore.” He smiled, eyes not straying away from Akashi for one second, “I’ve heard that Akashi-kun owns a publishing company now?”

“Yes,” He paused, “That I do.” He’d learned in the past few minutes how Tetsuya went to Aomori for high school, how he met Ogiwara in college, and how he saw the ad for the ownership of the vacation house.

“There are perks to being a Clover Child, one being that fortune follows you whatever path you may take.”

The silence between them was companionable, though he could sense that Tetsuya was also observing him with renewed curiosity. Indeed, with good reason, because the feeling was mutual. Akashi decided to break the silence. “Am I correct to assume that you are human now, and that I may know you by a different name?”

“My peers address me with the surname I’ve registered under.”

“And that is?”

“Kuroko.”

“Stagehands?”

Tetsuya nodded. “I was allowed to completely relinquish my name after my Maturation, but I chose not to. Instead, I decided to keep Tetsuya.” The smile was amiable, “Surely, you would not ask why?”

Akashi shook his head. “No, of course not.” It was simply too obvious. There was a soft hum of agreement on Tetsuya’s part, and the faint chirping of birds from the outdoors.

Tetsuya himself hadn’t changed much. He was definitely far less timid and more outspoken, but he kept to himself like he always did. There was a keen desire to know the person in front of him and to make up for lost time, but he wasn’t in a hurry. He never was. Akashi felt comfortable with the notion that they had all the time in the world, even though they didn’t.

Tetsuya’s grip on the mug tightened.  “You didn’t come back for me, Akashi-kun. You came for Shirotani Akiho. It just so happens that I am both.” There was something tinged in his voice, a pointed sense of frustration and suppressed emotions. Tetsuya was always good at regaining composure. He was arguably better at it than Akashi was, which really shouldn’t be.

“Tetsuya-“

“Do you want to walk with me?”

Tetsuya waited for a response. It could be anywhere, really. It just had to be a ‘yes’, because staying here meant having to be content with the space between. There was a clear bridge between the past and the future, and Tetsuya wasn’t sure if he was ready to face it yet – 

“I don’t see why not.”

_–  the fact that it burned._

* * *

 

**_Before_ **

“Do all people have differently coloured eyes, Sei?”

“Oh,” Akashi was careful not to trip over a stray rock, stepping over it and flexing his hands. “Well, I think it’s more common in cats than in humans. It’s called heterochromia. Heterochromia iridum, specifically.”

“Is that bad?”

“It can appear in people with complications in their body, yes.” Akashi fully understood the nature of his frail constitution – frail no more – but he decidedly withheld these details. Instead, he opted to frame the truth in another way. “Partial heterochromia is less rare. If it is hereditary on my part, I would never know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I never knew my parents. I don’t know what they look like. I don’t know what they were _like._ ”

“Can I say something, Sei?”        

“Yes.”

“I think that... regardless of what they were like, there are people who care about you, Sei. I care. I’m sure your new parents care too.”

“I’m... glad to hear that, Tetsuya. But why did you ask about my eyes?”

Tetsuya seemed to think this was obvious. “I think they are pretty.”

That wasn’t the first time Akashi had heard that. He still did not know how to respond to such a compliment.

“Well... yours are too.”

Tetsuya laughed. “I don’t know what they look like.”

Akashi grasped for descriptions. He could think of many from where he sat. “They’re... blue, like cornflowers. Like the sea when most calm.”

“I don’t know what both of those look like either.”

“I can show you pictures, Tetsuya. Maybe someday, I can show you myself when I get better.”

Hope glimmered in those eyes. It made Akashi’s heart thud loudly against his chest, the promise of granting happiness to someone else. “Really?”

As if he could let that smile down, he then thought, but as it turned out, he did – even if they had managed to look at the sea.

* * *

 

**_Now_ **

The breeze smelled and tasted of salt. It was the taste of childhood, and Akashi, having distanced himself from it for so long, was convinced that had he never spent each summer vacation here, he wouldn’t be overly fond of the scent either.

Tetsuya’s hair was being whipped by the wind in all sorts of directions. His eyes were squinted, but otherwise, he seemed perfectly comfortable. Akashi himself was glad that the sunlight was less strong than it usually was. The wind was a far better companion.

Akashi had received a few messages from Miyuki and Saito through his personal number. His business number involved updates on publishing deals.  

Refusing to let such idle thoughts occupy him, Akashi returned his attention to Tetsuya. As usual, it was Tetsuya who broke the silence. He considered this a personal failure on his part.

“Akashi-kun isn’t very good at this, is he?”

This was... definitely not how he expected it to be. He had foreseen such a possibility, but to see it realize itself was maddening. The tension was less palpable than it was in Tetsuya’s house, at least.

“I apologize.” Every fibre of his being screamed. It _yearned,_ and that frightened him a lot more than he would have dared admit. “It was wrong of me to disappear. I have no excuses-“

Turning, Akashi wanted to see anger, but Tetsuya was hard to read as usual. “Perhaps we should start with why.” Tetsuya suggested.

They had walked all the way down to the thickets of greenery and would reach the shoreline eventually. It was a simple matter of going repeatedly from one point to another, from a point of meeting to a point of parting. Strangely, both of them didn’t mind. They even preferred it this way.

Tetsuya did not miss the way Akashi’s shoulders had stiffened visibly. He waited, and Akashi held his composure as usual, but there was a storm raging that Tetsuya could hear. It needed to get out into the world, in this place where they were alone and free to be.

“It wasn’t something immediate. It most definitely wasn’t conscious. There would be no reason I would want to forget. Irrational as it may sound, I simply did.”

There was no response for a while. Akashi could hear Tetsuya thinking. He was beginning to think that Tetsuya wanted him to know.

“You may choose not to believe me, you know.”

“I think my Maturation had something to do with it,” was the conclusion Tetsuya had reached, “And I never... blamed you. Perhaps there were times that I did, yes” He pursed his lips, allowing himself that admission of weakness, “But in the long run, I just needed to hear the truth from you directly. I told no one about this, not even Ogiwara-kun.”

“But you easily could have. To him, at least.”

“It didn’t feel right. Left alone to my thoughts, I... began thinking things that stemmed from hatred. I was human, and I was not prepared.”

“Tetsuya...”

“It was like asking for the impossible, asking for you to come,” His smile was more brittle this time, “And yet when I received the e-mail, I was convinced anew that maybe miracles did exist after all.”

They had reached it before they reached the shoreline.

“The field of memories,” Akashi murmured. He could see the silhouettes of two boys running around, and then only one looking up at him, smiling. “Are there no other clover children here?”

“Not in this field.” Tetsuya began to go down the uphill slope. Akashi followed as Tetsuya walked towards the tallest tree for miles around. He always found it fascinating as a child, but he never got around to having answers for its existence. 

“Surreal as it may be, I had my Rite of Maturation in a place called The Clover Graves.” He placed a hand against the tree, “Clover children must always return when they are to die. Their birthplaces have direct portals, just like this tree.”

Tetsuya was showing him things. However, there were things Akashi could only imagine. He conjured the image of a forest grove with dangling vines, soft lullabies and bell chimes in a place for the clover dead.

“No clover child knows how much control fate has over their lives, but it does serve as a reminder that they do not own them, nor their deaths.”

There had to be a reason why Tetsuya was doing this.

“Tetsuya, what was the trigger for your Maturation?”

“They did not see the need to tell me.”

“...I see.”

* * *

 

**_Before_ **

Akashi came back with a scrapbook in his hands. It was a rich brown color on the cover, with four words embossed in gold. However, Tetsuya was nowhere in sight. He never went very far, but the thought did nag at Akashi either way: what if he did?

He took slow careful steps, taking in equal care in looking around him. Was it because he was a bit later today?

“Tetsuya?”

He tried not to let himself panic, but a devastating feeling washed over him. His steps became a bit more hurried, even though he didn’t know where to look. His self was torn into the part that believed Tetsuya was somewhere to be found, and the part that he had left for good.

“Tetsuya!”

With the fast turning of his head, he saw a shade of blue amidst the soft red and orange tints of the sunset. Tetsuya was behind the oak tree, struggling to move so that he would be within sight. He’d heard Akashi, but his hands were curled around his stomach, and he could not muster to answer.

Akashi ran towards his side, setting the scrapbook down. “Tetsuya, what happened?”

Tetsuya took deep, long breaths. They sounded sharp, like he was struggling for air. “Sei, I... I can’t stand...”

“It’s okay, Tetsuya, you don’t need to.” Akashi held a hand to his forehead. He didn’t seem to be burning up, but there was sweat on his brow. “Has this happened before?”

Tetsuya shook his head profusely, the pain-stricken expression remaining on his face. “Can’t... go...”

“Can’t go?” Akashi echoed, till Tetsuya made motions with his hands. He drew a circle and placed a person inside it. Made the motion of exiting the circle. Tears swelled in his eyes, dripping to the ground one by one.

“Shh...” Akashi took out a handkerchief from his short pocket and wiped them away. Tetsuya’s frame shook against his own as he tugged them into an embrace. “My mother would do this when I wasn’t feeling well.”

He closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Tetsuya. I shouldn’t have taken you outside.”

Tetsuya, however, only clung tighter to the hem of his shirt. “Thank you,” He whispered fiercely, “... I still... want to... say... thank you...”

Without needing to be told to, Akashi stayed, even when the sun came down.

* * *

 

**_Now_ **

“You haven’t touched the seaweed.” Tetsuya pointed out.

Akashi looked up from the food. Quiet music was playing in the background from Tetsuya’s music player, and the tranquil was disrupted by this particular moment as Akashi felt a vague discomfort of jarring proportions.

“I dislike it, actually.”

“Seaweed,” Tetsuya started, fishing out a couple of them with his chopsticks and dangling them in front of Akashi, “-is going to be saddened if you don’t like him.”

Akashi sighed, relenting. Tetsuya’s lips quirked up as Akashi chewed on the seaweed. Akashi was trying to keep his face straight all the while. When he finally downed everything with a gulp, Akashi dabbed his mouth with a table napkin.

“Tell _seaweed_ that my loyalties already belong to someone else.” The way he said seaweed was positively venomous. Tetsuya was amused by this.

The music had quieted down, and it was the transition from one tune to the next. There was a pregnant pause before Tetsuya spoke.

“Who’s the lucky one?”

Akashi stared earnestly, watching as Tetsuya idly twirled his fork around, coiling the food like it was something he could distract himself with. His other hand was in the middle of the small table. Maybe it would be unwanted if Akashi reached for it and touched it. He hated doubting himself like this.

Tetsuya was beginning to be aware of how intensely Akashi was looking at him. He did not dislike the silence, but he was tired of filling it with his own restless thoughts. He wanted Akashi to put them to rest.  

“You know, if it’s private, you can just tell me straight off that it is. I won’t get mad, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I swear your predictions are all wrong Tetsuya, and I apologize to report that they are. Really, you couldn’t be too far off.”

“Are you aware of how nervous you’ve made me in the past few hours alone?”

Akashi tilted his head to the side. His arms had been folded in front of his chest for a while now. “Conversely, I’m not sure that you’re aware of the fact that the effect truly goes both ways.”

Tetsuya averted his gaze slowly. And because he was a masochist, he said, “I think you’ve overstayed, Akashi-kun. It’s too late for you to go back, and I’m beginning to think that you planned this.”

Akashi looked at the clock. Indeed, it was 8:30 in the evening. It wasn’t an impossible hour. All things considered, he could easily leave, and probably be back home at 12:30 through his car. There was a gas station a few miles away anyway, and he had more than enough. This concern led him to find out that Tetsuya had a bit of experience travelling long distances.

“I really didn’t.” He said.

None of them moved to wish the other a good trip. It was decided, already set in stone.

“I don’t believe you.”

“I could stay at the vacation house, if you want, but I do think it’s better if we stay together? Unless you mind my company.” And frankly, Tetsuya didn’t seem to want him to leave, “Are you displeased at this predicament?”

“Honestly? No.”

They both grimaced, and that was that.

* * *

 

Ogiwara had called through Tetsuya’s cellphone number, and Akashi had no idea how the man was like, but he could hear vague snippets of a cheerful voice coming through the receiver.

 _“I’m not intruding anything, am I?”_ The question was uttered in a particularly teasing tone with a bit of smugness mixed in. Tetsuya was probably glaringly aware of this, but decided to not entertain the teasing by answering with a flat “no”.

Akashi tuned out till something had caught his eye. He stood up from the couch, entering the bathroom and deciding he would bring it up to Tetsuya later. Tetsuya watched at the corner of his eye to see what he was doing hovering near the sink.

“Please hold for a moment.” He told Ogiwara, who replied with a short ‘sure thing’. Holding his phone in one hand, he walked towards the bathroom where Akashi was.

“Do you know where I can find a toothbrush?”

Tetsuya opened a drawer under the sink containing packed toothbrushes and handed one to Akashi.

“There are clothes you can change into in my closet. You’ll have to bear with the size.”

“Thank you.”

Tetsuya nodded, before going back to Ogiwara on the phone. “Hello?”

_“You talked to Akashi just now, didn’t you? You did, riiiiight?”_

“He was looking for a toothbrush, Ogiwara-kun.”

_“Okay, okay, you know I’m just teasing you.”_

“I know.”

_“Yeah, and I know that you know. Is he staying for the night by the way?”_

“He is. What are you doing right now?”    

 _“Geez, always so secretive. I’m_ _sitting in front of my e-mail hoping a miracle will happen, maybe.”_

“Still no luck?”

_“Yeah, no... all they do is basically send you this message that says you’re not what they want. I think I would make for a pretty good sales agent, you know? I didn’t graduate with a business degree to be a potato and flail the diploma around.”_

“I think you’d do great.” Tetsuya said genuinely, “Corporate life would crush me.”

_“Maybe the marketing side of it, but you never know. Also, your editor’s gonna look at your progress after Golden Week.”_

“One day off won’t hurt.”

_“Make sure to get enough sleep okay? With or without an Akashi beside you.”_

“Of course. Your concern is also valued.” Tetsuya paused, “Make sure you do the same, and don’t eat all the Doritos in your house.”

There was a bit of shuffling in the background. _“Then, I’m going now. Gotta watch my sorrows away.”_

“-Ogiwara-kun?”

_“Yeah?”_

“Thank you.” _For this chance._ “I’ll make it up to you.”

_“Always welcome. Good night, Kuroko!”_

“Good night.” He whispered. He waited for Ogiwara to hang up before pocketing his phone. He walked up to the music player. It was normal for him to have music on, but it was a purposeful move earlier to not remind him of how empty the silence was sometimes. In solitude, he always had things to think about, but with Akashi, when he forced himself not to think about things, the last thing he wanted was to be reminded of how he was incapable of making things less difficult for the both of them.

He didn’t know he made Akashi uneasy to that extent, though they seemed to have to reach common ground now. Now that he did know, and Akashi was here with him, he felt more at ease.

* * *

 

**_Before_ **

His first step as a human was like looking at the world with fresh eyes.

Stepping past the fields of his childhood was an opening of possibility and an affirmation of identity as the winds caressed him with nature’s embrace. _Tetsuya, Tetsuya, Tetsuya._ Even if Akashi wasn’t there to utter his name in whispers, it was as sure as a heartbeat.

What were the chances that Akashi would come back anyway? There was the possibility that he’d just been nice, that he’d convinced himself that things were nothing but imagined. Did he think about what they had shared every night? Did he have any idea at all how long Tetsuya was willing to wait, to hope?

Maybe with time, Tetsuya could convince himself too, that everything was imagined, something from his own mind. A fantasy and nothing more. This was what he’d thought.

Going to middle school, to college, to working in the writing industry, meeting all sorts of people and having friends and people that came and go – of course the pain would numb. Of course he could forget if he truly wanted. He had built himself a new life throughout the years. Those summers were nothing but naiveté that got the better of him.

But a question haunted him all the same.

_What do you truly want?_

And he’d always answer in the same way, because who knows what would happen, if he’d dared to want?

Receiving the e-mail years later had been nothing short of overwhelming.

* * *

 

**_Now_ **

Tetsuya took a shower after Akashi did. Now, closing the light switch of the bathroom and returning to the living room, the first thing he noticed was that Akashi was wearing his shirt. It was enough for the hem to reach the garter line of the pyjama pants that Akashi now wore, also a pair that Tetsuya owned.

The second thing was that Akashi was bent over a book. Specifically, a photo album. It didn’t take a while for Tetsuya to recognize what it was as he sat beside Akashi, a bath towel on his still-wet hair.

“Do you remember that?”

It was a photo album with each page representing a colour. Akashi was simply browsing it, and he was on the page with sky blue motifs. 

“Should I?” Akashi asked him back, flipping to the cover page. “This is your handwriting, isn’t it?” There, in black marker, “The Realm of Colour” was written in a combination of hiragana and kanji.

“You made that book, Akashi-kun.”

Akashi’s eyebrows knitted together. “I did?”

Tetsuya nodded, and when Akashi opened the photo album again, Tetsuya held onto the left side of the cover and leaned closer towards him. Tetsuya pointed towards the white computerized words that were printed onto their corresponding page colour motif. If Akashi had to describe it, it was a book of colours for children.

“I gave it a name after I learned how to write properly.” Tetsuya said, “You left it unnamed with that purpose in mind.”

“I have something to show you too.” Akashi reached for his bag, taking out the commemorative frame. The Realm of Colour was still nestled between them, and Tetsuya’s eyes flashed in recognition upon seeing the four leaf clover inside the frame itself, preserved. Thoughts raced in his mind, but Akashi talked over them gently.

“It was not hard to search for it.” He said, “It was always with me, and I dismissed it as nothing, simply... something I could have found in a grass field. I’ve been carrying it with me for as long as I can remember. On desks where I would study, on the wall – always,” He looked at Tetsuya, “At home.”

Tetsuya didn’t realize the sigh he had let out until it was too late to stop it. He didn’t regret not being able to stop it, but he’d wished Akashi wasn’t there to witness it.

“I want you to keep it, Tetsuya.”

“That’s strange,” Tetsuya laughed softly, “Just now, I thought about wanting you to keep it. You will, won’t you?”

“This is yours.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“And why is that?”

Tetsuya grabbed a pillow that came with the couch, hugged it. “I was with you, because of that clover. For the years we weren’t actually by each other’s side. If you were to give it to me, wouldn’t it be pointless?”

“The clover was the beginning, and that beginning was yours. It was never mine, I believe.” Akashi said firmly, “It was mine to give, but it’s yours, Tetsuya. Always was.”

“Oh.”

Tetsuya shuffled his hands together, moving them in repetitive motions. He stopped them shortly after, hesitantly taking the commemorative frame from Akashi.

There was no force of attraction between him and the clover, Tetsuya found out, and it was just an object. It didn’t respond to him in any way at all, but he could recognize it as his own, a four-leaf clover that he held out to Akashi all those years ago as a child.

“I think I should show you to your room now.”

Akashi stared at him, and there was a hint of incredulity in his voice. The clock flashed 10:05. “What time do you sleep, usually?”

“Showing you to your room does not equate to sleep, Akashi-kun, mind you.”

Both of them got up the couch together, Tetsuya still holding the commemorative frame in his hands. Akashi picked up The Realm of Colour and returned it to where he’d found it, casting one lingering look at him before following Tetsuya through one of the doors.

When they entered, Akashi stopped just short of the door.

“Tetsuya?”

“Yes?”

“There’s only one bed.”

“Yes. I don’t exactly expect visitors. This is my vacation house.”

“There’s space for two.”

“Did you read my mind? No, Akashi-kun, I’m sleeping on the couch.”

“I’m your guest, Tetsuya, I shouldn’t be imposing. I am also perfectly capable of sleeping on the couch.”

Tetsuya wasn’t listening to him, already walking out of the room. Akashi made it to the door just in time to slide his foot through, preventing the door from closing on him.

“I am quite fond of escape rooms.”

“You don’t have to emulate one, Tetsuya.” But he found that he was laughing. This was a good step. They were less tense with each other, though Tetsuya still seemed perfectly serious, hand hovering on the surface of the door from the other side, “This is definitely not the way to convince me to sleep on the same bed with you.”

Tetsuya kicked his foot, opening the door with a sigh. This one was more willingly given.    

“Is there anything you want to do?” He asked, ignoring Akashi’s earlier remark.

Akashi smiled. “Is that a yes? That I can sleep on the couch?”

“No...” Tetsuya said slowly. There could very well have been a question mark with that. “I sleep on the couch often. Far more than this bed, honestly.”

“Are you saying you’d prefer the couch?”

“I’m worried. I think Akashi-kun’s life is so put-together that he’s never slept on a couch before.”

“True,” Akashi muttered, “Not the first part. The second part, and to prove my point, there’s a first for everything.”

“Fine, fine, but you don’t get to complain to me when you don’t get to sleep comfortably.”

“Can’t beat me to it if I don’t sleep at all.”

“Smart.” Tetsuya sounded somewhat impressed, making a visible effort to, because he was anything but that at Akashi’s words. “Smart.”

* * *

 

“I... lost.”

Akashi failed to look like he wasn’t happy about this. To his credit, he did try, but the trace of a grin wormed its way to his lips. Tetsuya responded in kind, looking genuinely devastated as he continued a semblance of a pity-party. “I’ve never lost against anyone in Monopoly. How...?”

“You mean to ask, how defeat feels, Tetsuya.”

“Horrible, and I’d like you to witness it for yourself.” He looked towards the wall clock, “But it’s time for bed. I can’t believe I even agreed to one game of Monopoly with you.”

“Babysitting suits you.”

It was a great mystery where the pillow that ended up slamming onto Akashi’s face came from. He fell back a bit, and taking away the pillow, he saw that Tetsuya had huffed. “I find ways.”  

The pillow hadn’t hit any of the board and its pieces. It was Akashi who began tidying up, toppling over their small, deer busts, clearing out the board and folding it. The green, blue, and pink scheme faced up at them. Tetsuya began gathering the paper money bills too. The _Zipangu_ edition of Monopoly was placed back into its initial drawer under the television.

“You were just unlucky, Tetsuya.”

“I would suggest a rematch,” Tetsuya said, “But when?”

There was something deeper to that question. _Now what?_

Akashi intended to leave tomorrow, and as far as they both foresaw, there would be no change in those plans.

“When we can.”

If Tetsuya had any qualms about this answer, he remained silent about them.

* * *

 

The lights were off, but neither of them were asleep. The moonbeams were just enough for them to see each other’s silhouettes. Akashi, without his glasses, had to squint to see clearly. Tetsuya was in a lying down position on his bed, much too big for just one person.   

Surprisingly, it was Tetsuya who decided to get the load off his chest. It was a great relief to Akashi when he began to speak, because he had no idea where to start. It started with his name. “Sei.”

A wave of nostalgia came over him. The name was a bare whisper, but it seemed to ripple within him and move something. “What is it?”

“Can you come over here?”

That led him to sit up straight from where he lay on the couch. Tetsuya didn’t move much, only a shuffling of feet and positioning himself to the left of the bed, the side further from the window.

Akashi contemplated a bit before saying, “Alright,” somewhat cautiously, but the action was without much hesitation on his part. Tetsuya seemed to mean it, because when Akashi sat down, back faced to him, he told him to lie down.

When he did, he turned to Tetsuya. Tetsuya looked back right at him, his fist carelessly nestled on the pillow, obscuring where his lips would be.

Tetsuya closed his eyes. “It doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to.”

“Which of us doesn’t want it, Tetsuya?” Akashi challenged. A part of his tone was playful, but deep down, a form of dread settled at the pit of Akashi’s stomach. He anticipated how Tetsuya would respond, only to make a startled noise buried at the base of his throat as Tetsuya kissed him.

That was an answer too, he supposed. At the back of his mind, the doubt had stopped, and soon, their hands were moving. He found one sliding up the fabric of Tetsuya’s t-shirt, then feeling the grooves of his back. Tetsuya’s hand had found its way to his hair. The bed creaked slightly as Akashi turned, and Tetsuya found himself on top of him.

Tetsuya then began realizing the explications of what he just did. He did not waver for long, and after a few short breaths, kissed Akashi again.  When they broke away, and Akashi called him by saying “Tetsuya”, Tetsuya embraced him and buried his head on the curve of Akashi’s shoulder. He was whispering, breath fanning Akashi’s ear and sending shivers down his spine.

“To be human...” The embrace tightened – Akashi didn’t feel constricted by it – there was something about the way Tetsuya’s body melded into his, as he reciprocated the embrace by curling one hand around Tetsuya’s waist. “To be human.”

“You are human even without me.”

“Yes,” Tetsuya smiled, and it was beautiful – Akashi was glad his eyes hadn’t been closed to be able to see it happen, “But to be human is to live another life, and it’s one that I...”

“Tetsuya?”

“One that I want you to be in.”

The moment Tetsuya blurted it out, he knew he couldn’t take it back. His chest began to thud – his heart. This was what it felt. It was the first time it was being so loud.

Akashi watched the way Tetsuya’s lips were parted, the way his hair was slightly dishevelled and how his cheeks were tinged a shade of red. In the end, he could do nothing but accept it with a small laugh. Before Tetsuya’s face could turn crestfallen, Akashi spoke.

“Then, move in with me.”

Tetsuya blinked away the tears in his eyes. He began to truly relax, lying down again and curling up beside Akashi.   

“I think I will.”

* * *

 

**_Now_ **

“Will you tell your parents?”

The gas station was miles away now. When skyscrapers began to come into sight, Tetsuya knew they were far from the sandy beaches of their childhood. Akashi was calm on the driver’s seat, even though these streets were probably ones he’d driven through only a few times.

“Whenever you’re ready, of course.”  

_Remember when your past was filled with dreams of the life you currently have?_

“I didn’t think this through as much as you think I did.” Akashi admitted.

Tetsuya chuckled. To his right, he saw a sprawling park with verdant trees.

“You’re not alone then.”

For that moment, that was enough.

_I remember, and now he will too._

**_... and onwards._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaa, Fic 3/3 for AkaKuro Week (WHICH WAS THREE MONTHS AGO HAHAHAHAHAHA, but forgive me, akakuro week really feels like all year long //whistles)
> 
> Thank you for reading! :D

**Author's Note:**

>  **Part II Teaser:**  
>  _The music had quieted down, and it was the transition from one tune to the next. There was a pregnant pause before Tetsuya spoke._  
>  _“Who’s the lucky one?”_  
>  _Akashi stared earnestly, watching as Tetsuya idly twirled his fork around, coiling the food like it was something he could distract himself with. His other hand was in the middle of the small table. Maybe it would be unwanted if Akashi reached for it and touched it. He hated doubting himself like this._  
>  _Tetsuya was beginning to be aware of how intensely Akashi was looking at him._  
>   
>  Thank you for reading!


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